Ever since I can remember I have been a heavy sleeper, my dreams and nightmares can feel very real. I used to think everyone was like this but as I grew older I found that it was more unusual than usual. I could sleep walk, have conversations, scream in fear, show other emotions and more. I’ve learnt that the more stressed I am the more I respond in my sleep, I am hoping this makes sense.
I had a dream the other night and it had a combination of factors but one aspect was that my husband slept with someone else. Now I know my husband and we are in this amazing loving relationship and I can clearly say this would be completely out of character, he just wouldn’t do it. I know I had a conversations earlier that day and it triggered old memories with my ex abuser. I know that this had a part to play with my subconscious and it came to shake me in my sleep. I told my husband all about it the next day, it’s hard because the dreams for me are very real and I feel the emotions that I experienced in my dream. When I say real, I mean I can remember what people were wearing, what setting it was in, where I would walk, what I would see, like I am actually there- until I wake up.
It reminded me of the dreams and nightmares I had within that old relationship and also within my recovery. To give you an idea: In the relationship I would have dreams of escaping in all different kinds of ways, old boyfriends or family and friends would appear to help me. I would wake up and see my ex abuser next to me and start to sob, I wanted to go back to sleep, I wanted it to be real. I would have nightmares of aliens or demons coming to get me in my sleep, I would wake up and see the room with those characters in it but I couldn’t move; it was as if I was paralysed. Sleep was never a good time for me because I could be disturbed in my sleep in the most horrible ways or I would have these night terrors. I often woke up shivering in the wet sheets that was my sweat.
Now my husband can tell how I am doing by what I am like in my sleep. When things were ‘fresh’ from the flee I was a very disturbed sleeper, crying out loud, screaming, rolling about, arguing and whimpering. Sometime’s I wouldn’t remember the dream or nightmare and sometimes I would, it was a very unsettling time. As time has moved on the calmer my sleep has been and now there seems to be only snoring I hear about from my husband, yes I am a snorer. Like I mentioned in the beginning, if something comes up that triggers memories then it will influence my sleep and my husband will know if I am not doing as well as usual.
My dreams have slowly changed over the years and I am glad to have more happy dreams that make me feel I can get through the day rather then hinder it.
I wonder if anyone will relate to this?
Blog header image credit to- https://www.sciencealert.com/weekend-lie-ins-could-save-you-from-an-early-death
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