I am sure you will have seen the news by now about the award I received last week. I wanted to share with you a section of my journey I have struggled with but feel I am overcoming little by little.
Let’s go back to last year when I received the award for Most Informative Blogger in the Annual Blogger Bash Awards 2018. First of all, I couldn’t believe I was a finalist and I questioned whether I really was informative. Second of all, at that time I didn’t have the money to go down to London to not win and that was purely my thought process. I didn’t think I deserved to be there and I felt it was through luck that I was in the finals. I didn’t go and I didn’t personally receive my award, I was so angry at myself for not going but understood why I went through the thought process and tried to make reasons as to not attend. In that moment I promised myself I would not do that again.
What is imposter syndrome?
Impostor syndrome refers to an internal experience of believing that you are not as competent as others perceive you to be. While this definition is usually narrowly applied to intelligence and achievement, it has links to perfectionism and the social context.
To put it simply, it is the experience of feeling like a phony—you feel as though at any moment you are going to be found out as a fraud—like you don’t belong where you are, and you only got there through dumb luck.
(Source: Very Well Mind)
Late September this year and I find out I have been shortlisted for the Social Day: Social Media Marketing Awards 2019. I went through the same thought process, the first thing I did was look at who else was shortlisted and that’s when I felt like I shouldn’t even be in the shortlist at all. I was honestly impressed by all the names on the list and I only took a quick glance. To stop myself from preventing myself from going down to the Awards I quickly booked the tickets, hotel and travel. I remembered that I wasn’t there last year at different awards and that I didn’t want to be that person again, I changed my way of thinking and thought of it as a fantastic networking opportunity and thought of all the awesome people I would get to meet.
It came to the night and I made friends with Fiona Catchpowle who was on the list of finalists alongside me. Fiona was a delight to meet and get to know, she talks about menopause in the workplace and also is a digital marketing coordinator for Henpicked. I met some brilliant people and our table was celebratory of each other as we had a few winners on our table, that always helps keep the pace up. I only knew a few faces from attending the Social Day conference earlier this year so it was great to be welcomed.
It came to our award and I was feeling in a daze about it all, it could have been the wine as well. I was so happy for Fiona when she gained highly commended for the award and she owned it as she walked down the stairs, I admired her confidence. Suddenly the lady next to me was giving me a nudge, I didn’t hear my name and looked up to the screen to see my name but it didn’t register fast enough. I must have been the longest walk to the stage, I was honestly in shock and trying to pose for a photo wasn’t easy as I had this stunned feeling as well as wanting to cry. Fiona was there waiting for me at the side and gave me this huge hug telling me she knew I was going to win. I was so glad to have her there as she kept me going and we shared the interview together, I didn’t prepare anything because GUESS WHAT I didn’t believe I would need to.
Steps forward can often feel like giant leaps but they are filled with small steps forward and it’s worth working on. This is just one example of how I have felt like an imposter, it doesn’t help that I am a perfectionist and that you hear terms like ‘fake it until you make it’. I am starting to learn to be proud of my achievements and this one I am overwhelmingly honoured of. Keep on overcoming because it will be worth it in the end and live for the moment you are in.
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