We are now into the third week of social distancing in the UK, I haven’t stopped with the amount I do online or the direction I am going in. I have had to wait on a lot of calls to try and get refunds for train tickets and hotel bookings though. I have done a few interviews in regards to the work I do and what lockdown means for those in abusive relationships, you can imagine the pressure cooker of a situation for those couples and families.

This whole experience has given me a lot to think about but there’s something I do want to shed light on. I have been several years out of the relationship with my ex abuser and I still find myself working on sections of my life, one by one. There were certain things he embedded in me to be sensitive too and they are difficult to unpick due to the natural way in which my brain works, Rock Pool‘s recovery toolkit course taught me that some of these are NAT’s (Negative Automatic Thinking).

I felt that over the last year I had started to understand my freedom with life in the sense of traveling and going to different events. It may seem like such a simple to task but I assure you that every time I would leave home and be away from my children, a wave of guilt and a rush to get everything done as fast as I could to get home would come over me. It stems from when I was with my ex abuser, he would lock me away from the world (emotionally and physically).

By the end of that relationship:

I got used to staying in my home

I hadn’t visited my home city of Hull for two years

I couldn’t see friends

I went out when I was allowed

I abided by the rules I was set

I was isolated, social distancing for me is an unsettling familiarity and I am sure I am not the only person with lived experiences feeling like this right now. There’s a lot more depth than the small list I have created above but it gives you an idea.

If you haven’t been in an abusive relationship but are feeling the frustration of lockdown, perhaps now you can start to think about how it must be to live a life of restrictions. Its nowhere near close to the reality of an abusive relationship but I have seen plenty of posts about how its driving people ‘crazy’, people are drinking or eating more. Ultimately they are finding a way to cope like most of the world at the moment. Back then, I coped by accepting the situation I was in despite the feeling of it been an invisible prison and without an obvious or easy escape.

Right now I am working hard on looking after myself and hoping to come up with something to help others online. It’s important that I do this because I really value the freedom in meeting with others, social distancing is not natural or easy. Let me know if there’s something I can help you with.

For now, you can check out my ‘life after abuse’ mini-series of videos that are around 10 minutes each and look at isolation, support, recovery and healthy relationships. Available on my YouTube channel or on Instagram on IGTV.

I want to also mention my debut novel Isolation Junction, it’s called that because I was isolated from the world. It is free to read on Kindle Unlimited, as well as my second publication Clipped Wings. Both equally important books that have helped others understand what it might be like to be in an abusive relationship, some have fled relationships and others have passed the book to someone it may help. 

100 reasons to leave, 1,000 reasons to stay

When Rose married the love of her life she was expecting the perfect family life she’d always dreamed of, but before her first child was born her husband, Darren, changed.

Almost overnight Rose’s life is turned upside down and the life she’d envisioned seemed like an impossible dream.

As Darren’s abuse deepens, Rose has 100 reasons to leave but 1,000s why she can’t. Will she ever escape the hellish life she and her children are trapped in?

Can Rose stop her life spiralling further out of control?
Can she find the life she desperately wants for her children?
Stuck at Isolation Junction, which way will Rose turn?

Stay safe and if you need some help or support please don’t hesitate to get in touch.

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