Change is Happening, is it?

In August I wrote a blog post called “The Truth about my Weight” and I posted it because I thought sharing my personal challenge would help keep me motivated and accountable.

I have to admit, in the beginning, I was doing so well. In fact, I have lost over a stone in weight since I started the journey.

It all went wrong and I have felt like I have been in a fight in my brain ever since, fighting the urge for chocolate and bad food from the very beginning of the day. The next I am fighting putting anything in my mouth and am living on barely anything.

I have plateaued and haven’t budged forward, I guess it was a stupid time to take on this challenge but I really felt ready for it. It happened before the news of the second lockdown but I fear going into it today and not having the gym available is like a final nail in the coffin.

I used to be able to have this control over myself and either stick to a diet or enjoy the time I was not on a diet. Maybe I am not ready for this kind of pressure considering the circumstances in my life? Maybe I need to push through and take this opportunity?

I do know one thing, I want to get this sorted and feel good about myself. I have seen the difference the first stone has made. But, the other side is that this was always going to be a fight because I am taking on all that past trauma. It can feel like he is with me all the time, every time I put something in my mouth, every time I exercise, every time I step on the scales. It’s like a haunting.

Change is happening, is it? or perhaps not? I know that I have some medical challenges at the same time but this isn’t an excuse. Perhaps I am not giving myself time to celebrate the first milestone of losing that stone. 

I know that it has been on my mind because I have avoided it here and on my social media. So I am here to let you know I am normal and face challenges. I am truly a work in progress but I will be working hard to get to where I want to be, I am sure I will look back on this and be even prouder of the milestones I have taken. 

I once said ‘no one should underestimate the long-term effect of domestic abuse’ and I couldn’t feel this anymore in this moment of my life.

Do you ever feel like you are in a mental fight when you are trying to overcome something?

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