Every time I hear or watch this song from The Greatest Showman I have this burn inside to break free and let everyone see what being me is really like. One day I know I will be able to share more but for now I share glimmers through my blog posts and share all.
I want to share why the song resounds with me and which parts really stand out and give me that burning feeling, each time I listen to it I find myself quite emotional as I am sure many others can relate for different reasons.
Here’s the song which you can listen/watch now…
I’m not a stranger to the dark, hide away they say, cause we don’t want your broken parts. I’ve learned to be ashamed of all my scars.
Straight away I am hooked on the first line, it’s true, I feel I am not a stranger to the dark. The feeling of being alone, hiding away and being broken. Many years I spent hidden, only few knew some of what was happening behind closed doors and my ability to mask the truth to protect him and my own embarrassment and shame was what I felt my only option to pretend to lead a ‘normal’ life. Even now I can find myself feeling shameful of what I went through, my scars that cut deep and struggle to heal. BUT the more I open up to the truth the more people know who I am and why I do what I do now.
When the sharpest words want to cut me down, I’m gonna send a flood, gonna drown em out.
This reminded me a bit about the one song that I depended on to keep me going and one that is referenced in Isolation Junction, Skyscraper. I hope that by what I am doing now I send a flood and drown the hurtful things that were once said to me. I recently shared a blog post on what he used to call me and I was surprised to the response, people relating, offering compliments to build my confidence, offering a reason as to why this may have been said.
I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be… THIS IS ME.
I didn’t used to be brave, in fact I can wobble at times. There were days that I faked my courage and faked my bravery to make a difference to others. Thats ok though, because I needed to be able to feel a sense of bravery and courage even if it wasn’t all there, I needed to know I could do it and carry on. If I hadn’t I would have crumbled before now and wouldn’t be where I am today.
I’m not scared to be seen, I make no apologies… THIS IS ME.
Again originally I was scared, I was scared on how my message was going to be taken but now I can say I am not scared to speak out about what needs to be done, what I went through and if it helps others then I have done my job. It has become a passion, a drive and I have found my direction in life. I won’t apologise or stop helping others because the world needs people like me, like the connections I have, people learn and understand from our experiences, get help, relate and more.
Another round of bullets hits my skin, well fire away, they say, I won’t let this shame sink in.
Believe it or not, I still get fired at, and back when I started this project the bullets hit my skin and they did sink in and hurt. I am able to switch off from anything like this. There are still aspects I haven’t overcome in my past yet but I know I am doing my best and I am determined that I can continue my path to lead a happy life and to the full, I deserve to be free.
We are warriors!
For all victims and survivors. We stand together and we warrior through our days to get to the end, together we are stronger and louder. Our network of brave warriors will keep each other standing up, keep each other going, get through the bad days, encourage and motivate, understand and be brave. We are united. We are not alone. You are not alone.
Lyrics in italics from The Greatest Showman.
I want to share with you a series of blog posts that I have shared that give glimmers into my life and show who I am, what I have been through, the blog posts that have received the most feedback and the blog posts the scream ‘this is me’…
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